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Tuesday, July 22, 2008

If I never saw a moose again...

...that would be perfectly fine by me. I'd gotten spoiled by my entirely moose-free glacier-maroc-glacier month and running in Kincaid this morning was constantly irked by the forgotten presence of moose scattered throughout the trails. They're such nuisances, like over-sized rodents that can seriously obstruct your forward momentum. And I'll tell you what's wrong with moose these days, they lack respect, that's what. Fear me, moose, FEAR ME. I probably spent a solid five minutes this morning yelling at moose. I was only successful at getting them to move about half the time. No respect for their human elders, that's the problem. I come from the species that harnessed FIRE, invented the WHEEL, walked on the MOON. I am IMPORTANT. This is a fact that those moose don't seem to appreciate. It deflates my ego and it pisses me off. If you're not Alaskan and think that moose are a novelty; if you think, "oh, let's take a cruise up to Alaska and buy a cute little stuffed animal moose to bring home as a memento." Don't think that, come up to Alaska, bring a gun, and take home an entire full-sized moose. Better yet, take home a couple. Because I am so over moose.

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8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

While visitors are at it they can take a Bear home too. Add a human bear hugger to the package if you really want to help.

July 23, 2008 8:25 AM  
Blogger Luke S said...

My coach told me a story about a moose in the trail in a race up there, blocked the whole trail and charged down the leaders of the race, forcing them to race BACKWARDS up the hill away from it.

July 23, 2008 9:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Holy moose hatred Laura! I think you and this guy should get together, maybe you can both gain some insight from each other.

http://www.adn.com/news/alaska/wildlife/moose/story/460597.html

Erik M

July 23, 2008 11:30 AM  
Anonymous moosie lover said...

Blog translation perhaps? “I hate nature. My whimsical lifestyle is more important that of a fellow mammal that struggles all of its life just to survive. I am an urban princess. Maybe I should not be living in Alaska? Maybe I am a very angry person inside and take my anger out on animals?” ????!!!!????

Animals are our neighbors. They were here long before fire was made, long before man stepped on the moon and long before xc ski racers showed up. Maybe be nice to animals?!

July 23, 2008 11:46 AM  
Blogger LAV said...

luke s- luckily no moose encounters (or bears) during races yet, maybe at Senior Nat's!

July 23, 2008 8:29 PM  
Blogger LAV said...

moosie lover- thanks for the psychoanalysis... it's entertaining like getting my palm read but not having to pay for it. Who knows, maybe your analysis is right on-- next time I move I'll consider downtown Chicago. Since I've been SO miserable here maybe I'll finally find happiness among the concrete shadows ;)

July 23, 2008 8:47 PM  
Anonymous kuan said...

Heh, Laura has a sense of humor. :D

July 24, 2008 3:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lav does not need help but I will jump in anyway. Moosie lover assumes too much about the urban moosies. They make too many when their lives are easy due to human intervention. Go ahead and blame us for roads, trails etc that make it easy to get to food, avoid what natural predators are even around. Think of them as free range cows and they will taste better. Yummy.

July 24, 2008 8:57 AM  

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